What do cartoons have to do with my legal case?
My son Jake watches this cartoon called Teen Titans Go.
It’s one of those shows that I call “squeaky cartoons” where at least one character has this ear-piercing voice and they usually say the dumbest things. And since the dumb things get the biggest laughs, these squeaky characters get lots of lines in every episode.
Some days, I can’t take the noise and I tell Jake he can watch what he wants as long as it’s not one of the squeaky cartoons. I’ve said that line so much that now Jake will say, “Mom I’m not watching squeaky shows, you can come back into the room.”
Anyway .. back to Teen Titans Go. In this show is a character called Starfire. She’s an alien princess from the planet Tamaran and somehow she’s ended up on Earth. And because she’s an alien, Starfire is constantly messing up the English language when she speaks. She reverses the order of words and creates her own way of talking.
Jake and I make fun of her and give each other responses that Starfire would say.
So when Starfire gets upset, the other teen titans will ask her if she’s OK and it’s not a surprise to hear her respond, “I am not the O or the K.”
That line always made me laugh, until the day it happened to me.
I am not the O or the K
Less than a week before we were scheduled to do the depositions in my legal case, I had a break down.
The legal stuff was more than it’s usual overwhelming crap as we prepared for the depo. It seemed that the emails, the meetings and the phone calls were more than just a daily thing in my inbox. It turned into an hourly discussion that started Monday morning and didn’t end until Thursday afternoon.
I tried to do my usual dance of focusing on work but some days, I couldn’t get into my work until I had responded to this email or called my lawyer back. By Thursday night I was done.
I loudly proclaimed the mother of all cuss words, gave my laptop the double finger salute and called in “I’m freaking done” from work on Friday.
And I ran away from home and went to the beach.
The honest truth was, I had to give it all a break. My head needed time to rest. I was going through so much at that point that I was starting to feel it physically.
I felt the tightness in my stomach. I felt the discomfort in my body.
I had to get out of my house and out of my head.
This was so much harder than I thought it would be. I had to relive every nasty email exchange to find the right ones for my lawyer to use. I had to review all those notes I had kept over the years after the divorce to get exact dates of the problems I’ve continued to have with Jake’s dad.
It was like I had to re-play the past 7 years of crap and aggravation and anger and those “are you freaking kidding me?” moments all in the span of a just a few weeks.
How can I stop my head from spinning and this feeling in my stomach?
I really didn’t have a good answer so I ran away from home.
The healing benefits of the ocean
I spent all day Friday at the beach. I didn’t have a plan or any place to stay. I just wanted to go out there and calm my mind.
I took my friend Gennia with me and we spent the day reflecting on 2014. We planned and dreamed about 2015. We spent hours talking about what we wanted to do this year, what we wanted to see happen and what we hoped to learn.
Like the year before, we had a closing ceremony. We drew circles in the sand near the ocean. We stood in the center of our circles and proclaimed to the sea what we planned to achieve in 2015. We each took turns saying our goals and our hopes for this year.
And then we thanked the universe for our troubles. The lessons we learned and the struggles we had. And then we both took a deep breath and threw our words into the ocean … and just let it go.