My circle obession
For some odd reason this year, I’ve become obsessed with circles. I see them everywhere.
They popped up in some artwork inspiration for one of my big projects I’m working on this summer:
And then I caught myself creating more circles as I was working on one of the elements (creating a my company’s vision board) for my online eclass:
And the last thing I posted, was an old post about Being Human from a couple of years ago. It was something I’d written back in 2012 but when I read it, I felt connected to the words again. Like I had circled back around.
It felt familiar but in a different way. Like the feeling you get when you drive past the old house you were raised in. You can remember being in that house, the way it felt, where you slept and the rooms you played in.
You feel a connection to that house but yet it’s different. Because you’re different.
I’ve gone full circle
When I finally logged into WordPress today, I realized that it’s been almost a month since I posted anything. I’ve been blogging here for over 4 years and except for the first year, I’ve rarely gone more than a week without a post.
I’ve scribbled some notes during this past month, but I couldn’t get myself to type it all out in a blog post. Every time I’d pull up a blank page, I’d stare it for a few minutes until I decided to work on something else.
Mostly this past month, I needed to step back and breathe. I needed to create a self-imposed world of silence. I needed to make everything stop and give me time to sort through this journey I had experienced.
And that silence brought me clarity. I realized that I had finally learned to slow down. Not just all the crazy busy work I was doing or the legal crap I’m still going through with Jake’s dad but slow down the thoughts in my head.
I found that I appreciated and even looked forward to those moments of silence.
The silence from the days when Jake goes to his Dad’s. I began to enjoy the idea that I didn’t have to talk to anyone. I could go for days without speaking, unless I wanted to have a random conversation with someone like the cashier at the grocery store.
In the silence, I learned to quiet my mind.
Circles become spirals
I began to see how the circle was just a part of this authentic journey of finding myself. I circled back around to my old house but not just the place where I started, but a different place.
The idea of a different place made my thoughts shift. Maybe this was more like a spiral – and maybe I really had started in the middle and I’ve moved around the curve. Slowing sliding around the outside of the curve, with it’s twists and turns but always circling back around and around.
The definition of a spiral
When I looked up the definition of a spiral, I found these words:
A curve which starts from a central point, getting progressively further away as it revolves around a point.
More spiral research came up with this information:
The spiral symbol can represent the path leading from outer consciousness (materialism, external awareness, ego, outward perception) to the inner soul (enlightenment, unseen essence, nirvana, cosmic awareness).
And the Symbolic Spiral Meanings included:
Looking over that list, I felt an awareness of what has been happening. I wasn’t just circling around and landing back in the same place. I was spiraling around the curve.
I’ve been spiraling and falling apart … and it feels fantastic.