Find Yourself

find yourself brad paisley

The doctor is in

It’s interesting to me how many of my married friends will share the problems in their marriage. Somehow the fact that I was married and now divorced must mean I know how to give them advice about what to do in their relationship.

I’ve heard some things that make me cringe. I can’t believe that these friends have shared this personal information with me. And then when they stay in their marriage and I see pictures of their husbands and family on Facebook, I just can’t look. Why would you tell me this stuff? And now it’s all I can think about when I see them with their smiling faces and acting like “we’re a happy family” on the surface but you have no idea what’s happening behind closed doors.

Except I know because your wife told me.

It happened again this week. I went to lunch with a good friend and after we ordered, she started sharing her frustrations about the holidays. She brought up the D word – divorce – and wanted my opinion.

I always give the same answer. Divorce is not a simple solution to your problems. You may think it’s the answer because you’re mad, hurt and frustrated but let me speak from personal experience, if you can go to a counselor and work it out, do it.

My divorce was one of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through. The stress, the feeling like you’re in a mental fog, the anger, the hurt … I swear it was at least 2 years after my papers were signed before I started to feel like myself again. I almost used the word normal but we all know how non-normal I am.

But this last one

When my friend came to me this week to ask for my advice, this time it was different. I looked at her and just put it out there: Really? You’re asking me? You want advice from me?

I think not my friend.

You see, I haven’t shared this with you all but I broke up with my boyfriend in September last year. Some of the regular readers might have noticed something was up when I wrote this post here about It’s Not Me, It’s You.

My relationship was on and off for the past 5 years and mostly last year, we were off. Things weren’t quite right between us so in the midst of one of our many fights, the break-up door opened and I walked right through.

I debated about whether to even share this with you. I actually wrote this post in November and kept putting it in my blog calendar. And then every time it came up to be posted, I found some excuse to not share it – it was the holidays or I was working on my new Challenge for work or hey, the year just started and I’m excited about all my organizational stuff.

I mean, I hardly mentioned him before so why bother now? Do I really need to tell people that we broke up? Honestly, I’m not here to tell the story of how he did this so I said that. Then I did that so he said this. The next thing you know, I’d have the new lyrics for the next Taylor Swift song.

But see that’s just not me. I can go on and on about what happened within the private conversations with my close friends but here? For all to read? No, that’s just not me. I don’t like drama. I don’t like to deal with it or talk about it. I’ll circle around the block to avoid it.

I almost didn’t post this today but finally took a deep breath and decided to get it out. And please no comments or emails telling me you’re sorry and wish you could give me a hug and tell me it’s alright. I’m feeling oddly calm about the whole thing. And quite relieved … which just leads me to think that I did the right thing.

So why am I sharing this now? Because this is the place where I can step out from behind the curtain and be myself. This is my truth. And a part of my Authentic Journey.

daring greatly

Photo credit: It’s a night

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9 thoughts on “Find Yourself

  1. Man, I can’t believe you waited until now to share this! I actually thought something was wrong when I read about the post of you and little man going to the game, but I wasn’t sure. I’m sorry, I know that it’s never easy to let go and have life change on you like that, but it is part of the journey and I’m glad to be here with you on the path!

    • Yes, it has been part of my journey which was why I decided to finally write about it. Quite honestly, I’ve been enjoying this time to rediscover myself. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt this strong. Don’t feel bad, it unfolded as it should and trust me, I’ve learned some valuable lessons.

      Interesting that you sensed something when we went to the game. Must have all those pinterest pins you saw in my feed.

  2. Glad you feel like sharing this and you are moving on.
    It’s kind of ironic that they come to you for this advice but I guess that shows the high esteem with which your friends hold you.
    While you may disagree (and my wife does sometimes), I often debate what needs to be shared and definitely hold back on things. While my readership is not exactly huge, the point is once something is out there it is there for all to see. Plus, I feel like if I put something out there, I have more to live up to.

    • I’ve often wondered why they all seem to be open with me. I’m not one to gossip so that may be one reason but I think it’s something about my divorce. Like deep inside they want me to tell them to get a divorce and that it’s an easy thing to do.
      But like I said in the post, I tell them the truth about the divorce process. And how it was one of the hardest things I’ve lived through.

      I know what you mean about sharing in your blog. Where is that line? I kept pushing it away but things kept coming up on this journey of mine and some of it was connected to the break up. And then I realized for me to move past this, sometimes you have to have the uncomfortable conversations.

  3. Pingback: Why my life is like Micheal Corleone | My journey to live an authentic life

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