The doctor is in
It’s interesting to me how many of my married friends will share the problems in their marriage. Somehow the fact that I was married and now divorced must mean I know how to give them advice about what to do in their relationship.
I’ve heard some things that make me cringe. I can’t believe that these friends have shared this personal information with me. And then when they stay in their marriage and I see pictures of their husbands and family on Facebook, I just can’t look. Why would you tell me this stuff? And now it’s all I can think about when I see them with their smiling faces and acting like “we’re a happy family” on the surface but you have no idea what’s happening behind closed doors.
Except I know because your wife told me.
It happened again this week. I went to lunch with a good friend and after we ordered, she started sharing her frustrations about the holidays. She brought up the D word – divorce – and wanted my opinion.
I always give the same answer. Divorce is not a simple solution to your problems. You may think it’s the answer because you’re mad, hurt and frustrated but let me speak from personal experience, if you can go to a counselor and work it out, do it.
My divorce was one of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through. The stress, the feeling like you’re in a mental fog, the anger, the hurt … I swear it was at least 2 years after my papers were signed before I started to feel like myself again. I almost used the word normal but we all know how non-normal I am.
But this last one
When my friend came to me this week to ask for my advice, this time it was different. I looked at her and just put it out there: Really? You’re asking me? You want advice from me?
I think not my friend.
You see, I haven’t shared this with you all but I broke up with my boyfriend in September last year. Some of the regular readers might have noticed something was up when I wrote this post here about It’s Not Me, It’s You.
My relationship was on and off for the past 5 years and mostly last year, we were off. Things weren’t quite right between us so in the midst of one of our many fights, the break-up door opened and I walked right through.
I debated about whether to even share this with you. I actually wrote this post in November and kept putting it in my blog calendar. And then every time it came up to be posted, I found some excuse to not share it – it was the holidays or I was working on my new Challenge for work or hey, the year just started and I’m excited about all my organizational stuff.
I mean, I hardly mentioned him before so why bother now? Do I really need to tell people that we broke up? Honestly, I’m not here to tell the story of how he did this so I said that. Then I did that so he said this. The next thing you know, I’d have the new lyrics for the next Taylor Swift song.
But see that’s just not me. I can go on and on about what happened within the private conversations with my close friends but here? For all to read? No, that’s just not me. I don’t like drama. I don’t like to deal with it or talk about it. I’ll circle around the block to avoid it.
I almost didn’t post this today but finally took a deep breath and decided to get it out. And please no comments or emails telling me you’re sorry and wish you could give me a hug and tell me it’s alright. I’m feeling oddly calm about the whole thing. And quite relieved … which just leads me to think that I did the right thing.
So why am I sharing this now? Because this is the place where I can step out from behind the curtain and be myself. This is my truth. And a part of my Authentic Journey.
Photo credit: It’s a night