The Perfect Storm

perfect storm

The First Step

They say the first step to dealing with an addiction is admitting it. I have an addiction. And NO, I’m not talking about Pinterest. (My pinboards and I have a mutually loving relationship with each other and we’re both very happy πŸ™‚ )

I learned this week that I have an addiction to a product from New Chapter called The Perfect Calm. If you’re dealing with any kind of female hormonal changes in your world, this is the best thing EV.ER. I’ve been taking this daily pill for the past year or more. I’m not really sure of the exact date of when I started using.

I had no idea how much my body needed to have this organic pill of happiness until I ran out. I went to my local nature food store to get my refill. They always have plenty of this stuff in stock so I didn’t think it would be a problem to wait until I had one more pill left. I added it to my list of errands on Friday afternoon.

The nice saleslady informed me that they were out but she could check the other locations. “Yes please,” I said. I would drive across town to get another bottle if I had to.

Not a bottle anywhere to be found in the tri-county area. What the huh? I placed a special order and they gave me a recommendation for a replacement, some kind of stress reliever. Well, if its like my precious Perfect Calm, I’ll take it.

Not even close

It was not a substitute. It was not my Perfect Calm. I felt myself slowly starting to unravel. By Tuesday night, I tried another location to see if maybe they got a shipment into their store. When I didn’t see it on the shelf, I asked the two women up front if they had any in the back.

The younger one said she had talked to the New Chapter rep earlier that day. They were expecting a shipment at the end of {oh please, I was thinking, please say at the end of this week}, they were expecting a shipment at the end of this month.

“This month?” I repeated, My voice cracked. “Please help me,” I whispered. “I can’t wait a whole month. I’m already losing it. And I yelled at my dog yesterday.” I didn’t tell her just how much I yelled but I could tell she felt my pain. She looked up the ingredients in Perfect Calm on her phone and off we went to the women’s help section to find some kind of replacement.

The other woman who worked in the store came back with us and tried her best to help. But all she did was make it worse. She kept bringing over boxes to see if they would work. They were either pink, had butterflies or white-haired smiling women on the front. And they all said the words Menopause. She would hand them to the woman with the phone, who would check the ingredients against the Perfect Calm and just shake her head. No, no, that’s going to work.

For the love everything that’s covered, smothered and baked in cheese lady … just stop. I wanted to yell at her to go away. I’m not a pink-loving, butterfly-watching white-haired smiling woman. That’s so NOT me. All I could get out was, “I don’t think those will work. I don’t have menopause. That’s not what’s wrong with me.”

The phone woman looked me and reached over to a shelf of liquid drops. “Here, I think you need some of these lemon balm drops. It’ll take the edge off.”

I took the bottle and mumbled “Thank you.” But in my head, I was like, really? I’m edgy? It wasn’t until that moment that I noticed how fast I was talking and the fact that I was pacing and rubbing my hands together. Holy crap, I must have looked like a crack-head trying to get my next fix of organic hormones.

Phone woman finally figures it out and hands me a bottle of something called Holy Basil. Apparently the largest ingredient in Perfect Calm is Holy Basil (as in Holy Basil Batman!) so that combined with the lemon drops should me hold me over until they get their order in. I thanked them both, paid for my new stash and headed out the door.

I made it as far as my car before I popped open the lemon drops. Ok, that’s just nasty but it was better than where I was. I couldn’t believe it, in about 15 minutes, the stuff kicked in. I finally started to feel calmer and I didn’t want to cry or yell or drop anymore F-bombs.

I had a thought

The whole thing got me thinking. I know as women, we’re always dealing with something. Was this a sign of what’s next? I mean, first there’s the whole “becoming a woman” when we’re teenagers then we go through who-knows-what when we get pregnant and give birth. Am I just starting down the path to menopause? Well that just sucks.

And then I had another thought. I can either sit here and take it. OR I can figure out how to deal with it. I decided right there that I was going to move through my next stage in life like Neo in The Matrix. You know that scene at the end where Neo confronts Agent Smith. He finally stops running, extends his arm out to Smith and waves his hand like, “Come on.”


Well, that’s going to be me. I’m going to wave my hand out to menopause and say, “Alright, come on. Let’s dance. Just you and me … and a case of Perfect Calm.”

Photo credit: rain, lights II

18 thoughts on “The Perfect Storm

  1. I am laughing out loud (sorry) but I couldn’t help it after thinking that the woman who was trying the “help” was only getting closer to her demise. Glad you were able to get some temporary relief. I will be mentioning these products to my co-worker who has become a borderline serial killer since she turned 50!

    • I know she was just trying to help but the more stuff she brought over, the more it felt like she was telling me that I’m getting old and I have menopause. And just thinking I was in that place didnt set well with me.

      Tell your co-worker the Holy Basil works once its been in your system for awhile but those lemon drops are amazing how quickly they kick in. Its called lemon balm leaf – tell her I keep mine in the kitchen where I can get to them easily when I need something to calm me down.

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