Man’s Best Friend

I’ve shared many stories that my son Jake has written for school. Some were funny, some were from an interesting point of view and some were like … what the huh?

But this one my friends … this story is just literary genius. I still can’t believe he got a 75 on this. I can see the teacher’s notes that he needed more details so maybe that’s why his grade was so low. And there was this note at the end that said: Don’t end an essay with PS.

I’m not quite sure why he got a C on this essay …. so I’ll let you guys decide. Below is the essay with his spelling and grammar so please settle in and enjoy Jake’s story.

Jake's Golden Retriever story

Man’s Best Friend

Dogs are man’s best friend. If I could have a pet it would be a Golden Retriever. First of all, I want a Golden Retriever because they have a very friendly personality. In addition, I want a Golden Retriever because it’s a blast to swim with them. Finally, I want a Golden Retriever because they are outstanding gaurd dogs. Your barking up the wrong tree if you don’t think I adore Golden Retrievers.

First of all, I cherish Goldens because they have the the most curtious personalitys. For example, Goldens help blind people walk from place to place. I have seen this tons of times. Goldens also have the most friendly nature. I’d be tickled pink to have a Golden Retriever. Now let’s go make friends with a Golden Retriever.

In addition, I want a Golden Retriever because it’s a blast to swim with them. For example, when I was at the beach, I saw a little boy playing with a Golden. If I get one, I will swim with him for hours and hours and hours. I’d be happy as a lark to have this Golden Retriever. Now someone get me one so I can swim with him.

Finally, I want a Golden Retriever because they’re the most outstanding gaurd dogs. This is because once I saw a little boy being chased by a crook and then the boy’s dog jumped on the crook. Or one time I saw a Golden protect his owner. Goldens gaurd better than Superman.

To conclude, if I got a pet it would be a Golden Retriever. First of all, I want a Golden because they’re friendly. Also they’re fun to swim with. Finally, I want one because he’ll protect you. So, do you want a Golden?

P.S. I have a Golden.

jake and winston 2013

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14 thoughts on “Man’s Best Friend

  1. I liked it, and although there was the typical spelling and punctuation errors for a kid, one thing that surprised me was that he had excellent sentence structure (only 1 fragmentation) and only 1 incidence of passive voice. Believe me, if there is one thing that editors hate the most – it’s passive voice. I was also surprised with his good use of transition from one paragraph to the next. There is definitely some writing talent here for a young kid.

    What I would suggest, though, is to copy and paste that into a good proofreader like Grammarly (grammarly.com). The editor in WordPress is good but inferior to Grammarly. This way you can see where his weaknesses lie and concentrate on them (spelling). I do it with my grandchildren who are 5&6 and it gives you one up on the teacher. Obviously her note reflects this: (You’ve seen what tons of times?) When teachers score essays, they are scoring for academic skills, even for grade schoolers.

    It’s amazing how fast teachers are pushing kids along today to write well. It may seem unfair to the parent, but it’s only going to help the kid in the long run. Be happy that the teacher is being tough with her scoring, if she wasn’t, he would be losing out.

    I had a golden retriever once, and yes, they are fun to swim with! Good job!

    • Thanks for the advice! I know he’s got a great imagination and if he can find something that will make writing fun instead of schoolwork, there’s a good chance that he’ll want to write more.

    • I was hoping you’d see this! When I posted this, I was thinking about you’d get a kick out of this. I was going to fb message you if you missed this so glad you stopped by 🙂

  2. While I teach older kids and am no expert on the younger ones, I must disagree with the grade. I think the essay is very good for a 5th grader. Of course, there are ways it could be better including more details, but he is in 5th grade.
    Anyway, now, I feel even gultier for not getting BR a dog as he has been asking for one alot lately.
    P.S. Thanks for that!

    • The grade aggravated me too. I realize that they’re teaching essays to get the kids ready for the FCAT but this should have been closer to a B. I see where the teacher wanted more details but he’s got some great points to make his case about Goldens. (and BTW – he’s in 4th grade, not 5th)

      And we’ve had this conversation about dogs before. If you and your wife don’t want to take care of dogs, it’s best not to get one. We’ve always had dogs because I was raised with dogs and understand the work that goes into taking care of them. I knew that I’d be lucky to get Jake to walk him and honestly, that hardly ever happens. Jake plays with Winston and some times the dog sleeps in his room but I do the rest of the care-taking.
      PS You’re welcome 🙂

  3. Jesus this teacher kind of sucks!
    Why do people give anything below a B for spelling and other small errors. I thought he was descriptive. He DESCRIBED WHY he liked the dog. AND gave very reasonable responsable answers. Some people give dogs away because they don’t match the new sofa! Your son is showing really practical and thoughtful answers! 75% REALLY!
    I hope you son is unfazed by this unfair and inaccurate grade! I mean my daughter can’t spell this well and she’s 14! Your RIGHT this grade stinks! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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