Lately, I keep hearing myself say the word “goodness.” It started from this thing that I say to my dog Winston. He’s so sweet that I squeeze his face and say “he’s just the goodness of goodness.”

I didn’t notice I was saying this until the other day I was in the car with my son Jake and an email for work came through on my phone. ‘Nothing I can do about it now’ I was thinking but I opened my mouth and out came “Goodness.” Jake said, “Is that about Winston? You just said goodness like you talk to the dog.”

Now I catch myself saying it all the time. Not like the other day when it started pouring rain when I walked my dog. I tried to get us into house quickly and Winston decided to backup instead of move forward. I tripped over him and totally face planted in a puddle on my front step. This wasn’t a Goodness moment. Another R-rated word came out of my mouth instead.

I’m talking more about the moments when it only takes 10 minutes to walk to your car and when you unlock the door, you’re dripping with sweat because it’s like living on the Equator in summer. Goodness comes out of my mouth, like “Goodness it’s freaking hot.”

And I hear my mother’s voice when I say it. I hear myself making the same sighing noise she makes. I hear her unsettled laugh when I catch myself saying that word.

This past year, I’ve really started to feel the effects of getting older. I’m in my mid-40’s and closer to that zero birthday than I’d like to admit. Luckily, I’ve been blessed with good genes and I’ve never looked my age. I was carded for alcohol through most of my 20’s. My biggest problem with my appearance was always at work. Most people thought I was younger than I was and treated me like I was a college kid.

The outside of me still doesn’t match what’s going on with my insides. Like I need to upgrade the strength of my glasses. I haven’t done it yet because that would mean that I’m getting older. So I squint at the book or pull it as far as my arm will stretch to see what’s on the page. Eventually, I’ll give in and buy another pair. I’m working my way up to that.

So now I move a little slower than I use to. Things hurt longer than they use to. Some days, I’m tired of not feeling like me. I’m tired of feeling like I’m going to cry over something stupid. I’m tired of all these changes.

I’m tired of feeling … well … tired.

{ sigh } Goodness …


Photo credit: Goodness

39 thoughts on “Goodness

  1. What’s that e-card that I see floating around all over the place? something about I think I’m still 21 but then my body says “oh no you’re not!!” I’m so there! It’s one of those things that I have to laugh about or I’ll cry… and in between I just live in denial! πŸ™‚

    • I haven’t seen that ecard but I get it. I totally understand that thought. And don’t start me on the crying, I just wish that part would stop so I could move on through my day πŸ™‚

  2. Lately I’ve been saying “fantastic” and “lovely” pretty frequently, two words that people in their mid-20’s don’t tend to use, and that I OVERUSE. Oh well, I think it’s fantastic that you use the word Goodness because it’s lovely to use in different types of occasions. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

    • Ha ha that was a good one! I’ve used words like that when I was your age but its odd when you catch yourself saying this like its a reflex response. And I always say it out loud not in my head. Do you do that too?

  3. Using Goodness is such a great way to release frustrations. It’s not mean or angry and actually puts some positive energy out there is this crazy world. I totally get what you mean about our age. If I did half the things that crossed my minds I would be dead….goodness (sigh)

    • Trust me, I have a few other choice words that come out when an expletive is needed. But this one, I think its more like, its the word I use when I want to shrug my shoulders and sigh.

  4. I’ve been catching myself saying “absolutely!” lately. With the exclamation. Like “yes” isn’t going to cut it as to the vigor I’ll be tackling that thing I’ve been asked to do. “Can you do this thing for me?” “ABSOLUTELY!” I don’t know what that’s all about, but I’m trying to wean myself off that word.

    Maybe I’ll try a little goodness? πŸ™‚

  5. I’m there too, a little closer than you. It is an adjustment as the grey hairs have started coming. Your expletive is better than my expletive.

    • My grey hair started after I had my son and now its nothing that a trip to the hairdresser won’t cure. It’s more of the pains in my body and the emotional roller coaster that get me.
      And I have a few more expletives that get pulled out but this is a family show πŸ™‚

  6. My new aging thing is that my hip feels like it’s broken when I get up out of a comfy chair or bed, and I limp for a couple minutes until everything falls back into place. Why is my body falling apart on me? When did this happen? Sigh.

  7. Lately I’ve got myself saying things like, “Super” and “good grief” like life is a 50’s sit com all of a sudden. This makes me worry that in terms of the aging process my insides *are* starting to match my outsides. Eep!

  8. Pingback: In Medias Res: Into the Middle of Things | My journey to live an authentic life

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