When my blogger friend Kate of Did That Just Happened posted this comment, I didn’t know what to say:
I came searching your blog to see how the “no yelling” thing was going – I’ve been reading a blog of a few others that are doing Orange Rhino, and it sounds basically like the same thing, but I wasn’t sure. Anyway, just checking in!
Honestly, I didn’t want to write another update about my “Yelling Less” project. If you didn’t catch the first post, you can read it here. I wrote a post about mid-way through the program sharing all the stuff I learned called The Power of Perspective.
Everything’s all great and warm and fuzzy. No need for an update, right? I just didn’t want to think about it. And then Kate brought it up and it was all I could think about. Thanks Kate …
Here’s the truth
On Day 30 of a 30-day challenge, I yelled at my son Jake. I could have sworn I was talking loudly but we were doing our back-and-forth dance and I lost it.
Later that night when he was getting ready for bed, we talked about what happened. I tried to redeem myself and said, “At least I didn’t yell.” Jake gives me that sad look and says, “Yeah, yeah ya did mom.” I waited until he got into the shower before I let myself cry.
I made it 30 whole days without yelling and I lose it on the last day. Crap, who does that? Me …
So here’s your answer Kate. I haven’t given anyone an update because I was so disappointed with myself. By the next day, Jake had already forgotten it but I couldn’t move past it for at least 2 days.
I pushed it away when I went on vacation but then Kate’s comment brought it back up again. Because I’ve got this whole authentic life journey thing happening here, I decided I needed to write an update post. As I’m writing everything out, once again, I’m feeling the sadness about my screw up. I needed a little Orange Rhino pep talk from one her blog posts.
I click over and I can’t believe what I just read. After 520 days of her program, the Orange Rhino yelled. She wrote a confession post to all her readers about how even after over 500 days, she can still lose it with her kids.
But her post wasn’t about how we should feel bad for her. It was about how she didn’t backslide and obsess about it like I did. She took everything she learned over the past couple of years to move past what happened.
I looked through of our challenge emails and found this nugget:
Ask yourself WHY am I having a hard time not yelling? WHY am I succeeding at not yelling. The answer might be as simple as because it is hard! Or if you dig deeper it might be, it is hard and I am tired and I don’t feel like trying.
What should have been Day 31 turned into Day 1. I started all over again and admitted the truth. Yes, I was tired. Yes, I was stressed from this writer’s block stuff and all the things I have I do to launch my new product. I didn’t feel like trying and using all the new techniques I learned that month. And yes, he wasn’t listening to me … and I yelled.
I’m back to the beginning and on Day 23. It’s not really Day 1 because it took me 23 days to confess this to you. Here’s your warm fuzzy folks. As the Orange Rhino says, here’s your truth:
I yelled because of my own pain that was screaming to get out.
I yelled because, well, because I am human and sometimes despite best intentions, hard work, and a heart full of more love than ever, mistakes happen.
Photo credit: Finish/Start