I’m so happy … My heart hurts

heart hurts image

We’re getting ready to go on vacation next week. I’ve just spent the last 5 days getting the car ready, working through the laundry piles and trying to get things done for work. Since I haven’t been able to finish the 5 blog posts that I started writing, I thought I’d share an old post from one of my favorite vacations that I took with my son Jake.

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I’m so happy … my heart hurts

That’s what my son Jake said to me when we went to our family’s beach house for Mother’s Day weekend. We had the beach outside the back porch and a huge pool right outside the front door. It was a boy’s paradise. Jake was so overwhelmed with emotion that all he could say to me Friday night was “I’m so happy, my heart hurts.”

I’d like to think it was because the two of us were together for a beach weekend but a part of me knows his statement probably had something to do with the fact that we were at a beach house with a pool. Either way, it certainly did warm my heart to hear him say those words. I know the older he gets, the less he’ll say these types of things to his mother.

Throughout the weekend I watched him play on his boogie board in the ocean and hit baseballs in the sand. He’d run to the pool to show me how he learned to dive and then swam to the end underwater without taking one breath. As I watched him, I realized he was no longer my sweet little toddler who I called peanut. He is becoming a full-fledged boy.

And we’re talking a boy with a capital B. I mean the farting (and laughing when he does it), the dumb jokes about body parts and the crazy I-can’t-sit-still-for-5-minutes behavior. I knew toddlerworld was over the day he ran into my room holding his superheros underwear to show me his skidmarks. I’m not trying to be gross here – but really, what’s up with that? I think we all know how it happens, but I can’t for the life of me get why it happens. I can only imagine its a boy thing and never having been a boy (or had a brother for that matter), I just don’t get it.

I could sense the changes in Jake that weekend at the beach house. We were having a heartfelt conversation and when I asked him how he felt about what I said, he answered with “From my butt … duh.” I don’t even know what that means and how that answered my question. He just made the same loud short laugh that I make and jumped into the pool.

Its clear our connection is changing. He’s pushing his boundaries and showing his love for me from a more independent place. Our Jake-and-Mommy love has grown into a different relationship. Maybe now we’re in a place where our love exists when your heart hurts and its OK if you have skidmarks.

Photo credit: Have a Heart

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10 thoughts on “I’m so happy … My heart hurts

  1. Somehow I missed this post (or repost of an older one in this case!) I came searching your blog to see how the “no yelling” thing was going – I’ve been reading a blog of a few others that are doing Orange Rhino, and it sounds basically like the same thing, but I wasn’t sure. Anyway, just checking in!

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