It’s been raining for 2 weeks straight. And now we have our first named storm, Tropical Storm Andrea, making her way through our state. What can you expect when you live in the Sunshine State during the first week of Hurricane Season?
Even my dog Winston doesn’t like this weather. Every time we go for a walk, he gets caught out in the rain and he comes home looking like this.
I’m sitting here at my desk, watching the rain outside my windows and the song Don’t Rain on My Parade (the Barbara Streisand version, click here to see the video) popped into my head. I downloaded it into my player and listened to it a few times. Come on folks, don’t ask me why. Sometimes, weirdness happens, just go with it.
So Barbara and I are singing “Nobody no nobody is gonna rain on my parade” (and sounding quite fabulous for such a crappy wet day) and this weird message thing happened. Something inside me stopped what I was doing and told me to look up the lyrics.
And there it was, the words to describe something that’s been spinning around in my head:
Don’t tell me not to fly–
I’ve simply got to.
If someone takes a spill,
It’s me and not you.
Who told you you’re allowed
To rain on my parade!
I’ve been working on my next big project. I started thinking about it a couple of months ago but it took me this week to finally flush this out and start the actual work. Like last year when I spent the summer writing my 12-week Social Media with a Strategy online class, I was starting to feel all those familiar doubting emotions.
Just last weekend, I broke out into a case of the ‘What ifs’, which just messed with my head for a couple of hours. It’s amazing how my thoughts can take over and shift me off course for awhile. Most days, I just go with it. I let it control my thoughts so I can move past it.
I’ve learned that when I try to ignore these thoughts, they’ll stay with me longer than if I let them have their fun messing with me. Then the next day, the sun shines and I’m back on track to where I need to be to get things done.
But this one was different. I’ve been dealing with Jake’s dad lately and his actions during these events reminded me why I divorced him. You see, today Jake left to go on vacation with his dad and his dad’s new family. He’s going to be away from me for 10 days. You’d think by the age of 9 I would be OK with being separated from my child. But I’m not. I’m freaked out and quite honestly, a bit sad. I already miss him. (Jeez, what am I going to be like when he goes to college?)
So I’m sitting here watching the non-stop rain, dealing with the emotions from the doubt monster and add into that a little sadness … and I hear these lyrics. And I realized that if I was still married, I wouldn’t be here right now. I knew when that point hit in our marriage when he stopped believing in me and what I can accomplish.
He couldn’t trust that I could do this. He was the one person in my life at that time who was suppose to be my biggest supporter and all he wanted me to do was to give up and go find a job. Even though I didn’t know back then exactly what I’d be working on, I still knew deep in my heart that there was a plan for me to do something that would help others.
He couldn’t take the chance to let me do what I believed I had the potential to do. He didn’t believe in me. That was one of the triggers for me when I knew it was the beginning of the end of my marriage. Due to his own personal battle with his internal demons, he created a world of misery for himself and often, he did his best to take me down into that place of darkness with him.
Dealing with him lately reminded me of how and what he still thinks of me. He has always underestimated my strength. And I do too when I let the doubts, fears and sadness take over. But I’m not that person anymore and I’m never going to back to that place again. And nobody, no nobody’s gonna rain on my parade.