TV Shows I Wish The Food Network Would Produce


Most of my regular readers know by now that I can’t cook. For all you of you folks who recently hit that subscribe button, there’s this post HERE, and then there was this one HERE and … yeah, there was that one HERE. Feel free to click on the links to get yourself caught up with my cooking challenges.

If you haven’t figured out by now, I don’t like to cook.

With my own personal culinary point of view, I have a couple of ideas for TV shows for The Food Network. When I think about who to tell them would host the show, I get stuck. I really wouldn’t know who to suggest because honestly, I never watch that network. Well, not never. I watch The Next Food Network Star but that’s more like the reality/competition stuff that I like to watch.

The truth is, it’s hard for me watch their programming because they don’t make shows for people like me. Combine being crazy busy with the fact that you don’t like to cook and it just makes for a bad moment when you’re standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what to do for dinner.

If I wasn’t so busy, I could figure out how to make these meals ahead of time. And if I liked to cook, then I’d be all over Pinterest trying to find quick healthy meals to make. I’d be in the kitchen singing a merry tune instead of grumbling and staring into the endless boxes in the freezer. The two are in constant battle with each other and I just don’t see any shows on The Food Network that can help me decide what’s for dinner this week.

In case anyone from The Food Network is listening, here are two cooking show ideas for people like me:

The Steam-It Show

This show focuses on those steamer bags you can buy in the grocery store. I mean, who is the scientific genius who came up with this idea? I’ve been making broccoli for my son in those bags since I first discovered he’d eat vegetables. See that’s what I’m talking about folks … it’s healthy and I microwaved it in 3 minutes.

The show would revolve around meals you can make with the steamer bags. I’ve looked up some recipes and they always go into adding a pinch of this or a tablespoon of that. My spice rack consists of salt, pepper, cinnamon and some garlic that seems to have turned into a huge chunk.

I need someone to give me time-tested recipes. Tell me what to buy, how to put it in the steamer bag and how long to set my microwave. I want to eat something in 10 minutes or less. I don’t have time to test out how much a pinch is. Trust me, if you pinch me in the kitchen, I’ll smack you.

The Microwavable Toaster Dude

I have two appliances in my kitchen. My microwave and my toaster oven. I know how to work my oven but I don’t like to use it that much since it usually heats up my house. And if you live in Florida, the last thing you want is to have your house heated (except for the month of January when we actually use our heaters!).

We’ve all seen the pre-made meals in the frozen food section. I’ve tried most of them and most of them are crap. They should make the people who design those outside packages eat what’s inside the bag before they design those mouth-watering pictures. Maybe if we saw what the food really looked like, we’d think twice about buying it, even if it is on a ‘buy-one-get-one-free’ sale.

This show will be all about those microwave and toaster oven meals you buy. The host of the show will tell us the brand name and which product has the best taste. If I need to take out the red peppers because they take over the taste, then this is the show to tell me. It’s a cooking show, right? Show me how to cook this yummy-toastered-pre-baked delicacy for my family.

And as Nora Ephron once said: My mother was a good recreational cook, but what she basically believed about cooking was that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.

So here’s to making enough money selling my ideas to The Food Network so I can hire someone to cook for me.

Photo credit: Kitchen Trouble

32 thoughts on “TV Shows I Wish The Food Network Would Produce

  1. I like the Toaster Oven Idea. There could also be a Microwave cooking, this was a big thing in the 80s, show, everything ready in 15 minutes or less!

    • Well, I was raised in the 80’s so that could be why the microwave and toaster oven are my appliances of choice. And I love the idea of everything taking 15 minutes to cook. That means less time in the kitchen and I get to sit down and eat faster 🙂

      • I hear you! I really like to cook myself, but I’m a pretty lazy cook and if I think it’s going to take me more than about an hour of active cooking, I won’t make it. It’s one of the reasons I never got into bread.
        And I don’t watch anything on food network other than the cooking competitions, a lot of the recipes they post are supper expensive to make, and they hardly ever turn out as good in real life as on the show.
        If I was going to make my food network show, there would be commentary about what to do if you make mistakes, and ways to cut corners.
        I think we should write food network and complain. We are a audience they are not reaching, and I’m sure there are lots of us.

      • At least you LIKE to cook. I just go through the motions because we need to eat. I’ve been know to eat cold cereal for dinner when my son is at his dads.

        I think you’re on to something here! We should submit our ideas to the Food Network and see what they say 🙂

      • I’m not sure I could be at something like this. I’d just be cracking jokes and I wouldn’t be able to really contribute to the actual cooking. I say you go for it! I’ll work as the behind the scenes producer 🙂

      • 🙂 Though I still think that someone who was willing to crack jokes and maybe start a food fight on a cooking show would make a good host. It doesn’t always have to be so serious.

      • Well now … if you’re looking for someone to lighten up the show, I’m certainly your gal! Cooking is not a serious thing for me EVER.

      • Regardless of weather or not you like to cook, I never think it should be a serious thing. Any time cooking gets serious, it’s no longer fun, and it should always be fun. I’ve occasionally made recipes just because they let me play with my food while I cook it.

  2. hahahahaha! That’s greatness! I love those ideas! I hate cooking, but force myself to do it every school night… and the reward is that Friday we get to get take out or eat out. I’m the queen of quick fix and casserole and crock pot meals! The easier the better!

      • I’m a big fan of the tater tot casserole. I brown the ground meat, stir in a can of cream of mushroom (or make it from scratch), put it in a casserole dish, add a layer of cheese and then a layer of tots. 25 min later I’m all done.

        In the crock pot I love Hawaiian BBQ Chicken. I use tenders, but anything will work. Toss them in the crock pot, add a can of pineapple chunks and a bottle of BBQ sauce. Let it go on low all day and then just make rice when you get home and steam a bag of veggies.


      • You lost me at crock pot. I don’t own one of those things. My mom use to have one so I know what it is but I’ve never used it myself.

      • If you don’t like to cook, you really should look into one. And, I totally recommend the insanely expensive crock pot liners – makes clean up so much easier. You can do fancy and you can do easy in the crock pot – I do a lot of easy. Last night was ranch style pork chops. 3 pork chops, package of ranch dressing dry mix, can of cream of mushroom and a can of water. Because I had dental work, I made instant mashed potatoes (Boiled water and added flakes) and microwaved some veggies. Dinner was done with 5 min prep in the morning and 5 min prep in the evening… 🙂
        I’m a big fan of the crock pot, can you tell??

      • You can! You can do chicken on the bottom with some seasonings and broth, and then put corn on the cob on top of that and then foil wrapped potatoes on top of that and let it all cook together. Or the white chicken chili that is so very yummy. Or tons of soups. Or pulled pork sandwiches. Or a pot roast. 🙂

      • Try any one of the Fix-It-And-Forget-It cookbooks. I have the original. Don’t be scared of impossible ingredients or crazy techniques. Most recipes are simple: throw the stuff in the crock-pot, turn it on and go. You can even get a crock-pot with a preset timer that switches to warm when complete, so you don’t accidently burn what ever you just slaved over.

      • I’ve honestly never heard of that cookbook. Can I find those recipes on Pinterest?

        Why can’t you just come down here and cook for me? Seems like that’s the best solution … come on, don’t tell me your kids wouldn’t want to come to Disney 🙂

      • Pinterest typically has a lot of crock-pot recipes. If you’re afraid of commitment of the cookbook kind, try your library!
        Of course my darling girl wants to go to Disney! You’ll be almost first to know, when we can make such a trip happen.

  3. This is pretty funny! I like the steamer show idea : )

    I actually have a little meal delivery business. I cook for a handful of families, and I deliver meals to them twice per week (an entree and a big organic salad with homemade dressing + an occasional dessert). Maybe there’s something similar in your town. None of my customers are rich – just hard-working people who hate to cook for themselves.

    • OMG – where do you live? You’re my dream girl.
      I just need the entree part and stuff I can freeze for the rest of the week. I NEED someone like you to help me 🙂

  4. Pingback: Am I Missing the Domestic Gene? | My journey to live an authentic life

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