Most of my regular readers know by now that I can’t cook. For all you of you folks who recently hit that subscribe button, there’s this post HERE, and then there was this one HERE and … yeah, there was that one HERE. Feel free to click on the links to get yourself caught up with my cooking challenges.
If you haven’t figured out by now, I don’t like to cook.
With my own personal culinary point of view, I have a couple of ideas for TV shows for The Food Network. When I think about who to tell them would host the show, I get stuck. I really wouldn’t know who to suggest because honestly, I never watch that network. Well, not never. I watch The Next Food Network Star but that’s more like the reality/competition stuff that I like to watch.
The truth is, it’s hard for me watch their programming because they don’t make shows for people like me. Combine being crazy busy with the fact that you don’t like to cook and it just makes for a bad moment when you’re standing in front of the fridge trying to figure out what to do for dinner.
If I wasn’t so busy, I could figure out how to make these meals ahead of time. And if I liked to cook, then I’d be all over Pinterest trying to find quick healthy meals to make. I’d be in the kitchen singing a merry tune instead of grumbling and staring into the endless boxes in the freezer. The two are in constant battle with each other and I just don’t see any shows on The Food Network that can help me decide what’s for dinner this week.
In case anyone from The Food Network is listening, here are two cooking show ideas for people like me:
The Steam-It Show
This show focuses on those steamer bags you can buy in the grocery store. I mean, who is the scientific genius who came up with this idea? I’ve been making broccoli for my son in those bags since I first discovered he’d eat vegetables. See that’s what I’m talking about folks … it’s healthy and I microwaved it in 3 minutes.
The show would revolve around meals you can make with the steamer bags. I’ve looked up some recipes and they always go into adding a pinch of this or a tablespoon of that. My spice rack consists of salt, pepper, cinnamon and some garlic that seems to have turned into a huge chunk.
I need someone to give me time-tested recipes. Tell me what to buy, how to put it in the steamer bag and how long to set my microwave. I want to eat something in 10 minutes or less. I don’t have time to test out how much a pinch is. Trust me, if you pinch me in the kitchen, I’ll smack you.
The Microwavable Toaster Dude
I have two appliances in my kitchen. My microwave and my toaster oven. I know how to work my oven but I don’t like to use it that much since it usually heats up my house. And if you live in Florida, the last thing you want is to have your house heated (except for the month of January when we actually use our heaters!).
We’ve all seen the pre-made meals in the frozen food section. I’ve tried most of them and most of them are crap. They should make the people who design those outside packages eat what’s inside the bag before they design those mouth-watering pictures. Maybe if we saw what the food really looked like, we’d think twice about buying it, even if it is on a ‘buy-one-get-one-free’ sale.
This show will be all about those microwave and toaster oven meals you buy. The host of the show will tell us the brand name and which product has the best taste. If I need to take out the red peppers because they take over the taste, then this is the show to tell me. It’s a cooking show, right? Show me how to cook this yummy-toastered-pre-baked delicacy for my family.
And as Nora Ephron once said: My mother was a good recreational cook, but what she basically believed about cooking was that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.
So here’s to making enough money selling my ideas to The Food Network so I can hire someone to cook for me.
Photo credit: Kitchen Trouble