Have I been moving towards balance and didn’t know it?

balance_train

I had a moment of reflection this week. I met with a friend of mine to work on a new product I’m going to launch this year because, you know, I just don’t have enough going on in my life right now. I need to add just ONE more thing to my plate.

We’re both bloggers so a conversation came up about how to keep writing when your Type A personality is fighting against the creative side of your brain. We went back and forth on some solutions and found ourselves coming back to the idea of ‘finding that balance’ between the two.

There it was again

That word balance coming back into my head. Balance …  the reason that I started this blog to begin with. My blog has become the never ending Quest for Balance.  The balance conversation with my friend led into me to reflect about about my personality, the changes I’ve made over the past couple of years and the direction that I’m heading towards.

For those of you don’t know me as well as others, I have a slight touch of OCD. Alright, some days it’s worst than others. I admit that it’s a control thing (or lack there of) and my OCD makes me beyond just being organized. I actually used the word ‘methodical’ to describe how I handle things in my life.

There are days when it gets exhausting trying so hard to keep things so orderly. It’s usually times of stress that this happens and and I’ve just learned that I need to let things go.

But this blog, my business blog (yes, I actually write TWO blogs every week!) and all my other writing projects have become these wonderful creative outlets for me to move past that systematic life that I’ve pulled together. It feels so good to write that I block off time during my busy work schedule to spend time in the blogging world. It’s great to get this stuff out of my head and I feel like its pushing me to greater heights personally as well as professionally.

Its like the creative is a train and the methodical is the force that continues to push the train through the tunnel. I’ve been saying this expression lately, “I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and its not because there’s a train coming at me.” While this is a financial analogy I use, maybe I should start saying that I am the light AND the train coming through the tunnel.

The struggle to find balance is more than just finding time for all the relationships in my life, meeting my deadlines and figuring out when I’m going to finally clean up the dog hair on the stairs. To continue my journey to live an authentic life, I have to work through the struggle between the methodical Penney and the creative Penney. And I can’t just be one or the other. They both need each other for me to exist and keep moving forward.

For me, it comes down to this idea of control. No matter what I do or don’t do, what I say or don’t say, the people around me are just going to do what they want. And they were always going to do these things no matter what my behavior or attitude was because the truth is, I can’t change anyone’s actions. All I can control are my behaviors and reactions.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned on my journey this year is to accept your truth. Whatever it is that you’re denying in your life, accept this as your truth. Once I did this, I realized that my true path just opened up to me. You have to give up this notion that you have control because the truth is, you never really had it to begin with.

Photo credit: Train reflection

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9 thoughts on “Have I been moving towards balance and didn’t know it?

  1. Pingback: My Week in Pinterest | My journey to live an authentic life

  2. Hi Penney, Too true – control is a complete and utter illusion! 🙂 That is not to say that we don’t take action and do our work, just that if we focus on what is ours to do, we do reach peaceful (and sometimes even great!) heights.

    • I think that’s the crux of it … thinking I have control and working towards finding/getting/keeping control but like I said, the truth is, I really don’t have control over anyone but myself. I’m learning how to be peaceful with the whole process.

      And reading your post today (the one I commented on) was so right there in where my head is moving. (and thanks for stopping by!)

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