Just sing, sing a song

just sing

Last month a very close friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. I’m sure we’ve all had these conversations before with our friends dating as far back as our grade school days. Even though we’re quite a few years older and we believe men at this age should be more mature, my conversation with her a few days ago was no different.

This guy is quite the womanizer and even though she dated him for a year and saw all sorts of behavior to support his cheating ways, she still agreed to let him move into her home. As part of her close circle of friends, we all knew this wasn’t going to last and it wouldn’t take him long before his old habits resurfaced. It only took him 6 months before he was caught cheating which led to a weekend of ugliness before she kicked him out.

I checked in with her last week to see how she was doing and I was glad to hear the spunk back in her voice. I could tell she was still hurt but at least she wasn’t sitting in a dark bedroom listening to Lionel Richie and eating pints of Ben & Jerry. With the post-break up fog lifted, I asked her the question the rest of us wanted to know, “It’s not like you’ve never dated anyone before. You knew about his past, you knew how he was … why? Why did you let him move in?”

She answered me in her most honest voice, “Because I thought I was different. I believed his words and I thought he cared enough to stop his wandering. I thought I had enough love for both of us.”

And there it was. The words we say to ourselves.

The same lines we say no matter the question or how many conversations we have to give us the answers to our questions. We say the same lines over and over like the words in a song. Some of us even go so far as to make up our tune so the music can silence the uncomfortable tug in our gut.

We write the words to our songs to justify our behaviors and rationalize our thoughts. We say them so much that they become real in our minds. And if we say them enough times out loud, we can create our own alternate reality to protect ourselves … but from what? Protecting our pride? Or worry that others will judge us?  We all want to believe in ‘happily ever after’ but at what cost? Is it worth it to live in the denial of the truth, no matter what our truth may be?

If last year’s journey taught me anything it’s to learn to look for the messengers. I’ve learned to watch for the physical signs when things are happening or I meet someone new. When something bad is going on, I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I can feel the flip-flops like some weird buzzing sensation. And when its something good or a person who will become a part of my journey, I feel the warmth expanding right around my heart. I know that something wonderful is going to happen.

Maybe the message for 2013 is to keep my eyes open to everything going on around me. Pay attention to the people I meet and the doors opening my way. Some days it feels like I’m right there in the entryway. I’m looking for my messengers to teach me a new song to sing and then give me a good shove to push me through.

Sing, sing a song
Make it simple to last your whole life long
Don’t worry that it’s not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Just sing, sing a song

Photo credit: St. Christopher’s Community Choir

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13 thoughts on “Just sing, sing a song

  1. Such a good message for women of all ages. You are raising a boy, but for those raising a little girl, we should not promote the “happily ever after” theme. We should be honest and tell our girls (and boys) that relationships have their ups and downs. It’s knowing when to stick it out and when to let go that’s the tricky part. Mostly, it’s important to talk to your children.

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    • Thanks! I’m sure you’ve already had these conversations with your kids. I can only hope that jake learns from watching his dad what NOT to do. Somehow I have a feeling that we’ll be having more stories to share when jake is old enough to really date 🙂

  2. All we ever really need to know, we learned from Big Bird. Be kind, be honest and trust your gut to know you’re doing the right thing. Very well said. Chocolate chip cookie dough tubes and yellow roses were the break-up bandaids for my circle of friends,

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