There I stood: The final version

For my regular readers and those who sent me their feedback on the original post, here is the final version of my story called There I Stood. I made my changes based on your suggestions as well as the feedback from the people in my writing class.

Also know, this is the first in the series I’m calling Transformation Moments. It’s a series of shorts stories that have brought me to this place and time in my authentic journey. I am working on these stories as part of my 250-daily-word challenge and plan to post the best ones.

Thanks again for everyone’s honest feedback … here it goes, hope you like the final version!


Everyone has those moments in their lives where they remember every detail, every word spoken, every feeling moving through their body. Those moments turn into a story that’s told and retold. With each retelling, we relive those emotions as if it just happened yesterday.

This is my moment that became my story.

The day started as every other typical day in my married life. Our weekend plans usually involved our son Jake. Even at the tender age of two and a half, Jake was aware of the tensions between his parents. I remember the day Jake screamed at the two of us to stop yelling. He was too young to really say what he wanted but he knew the word stop. And he knew how to yell it to get our attention. To this day it bothers me when I think how terrible our world had gotten that a two and half year old child had to tell his parents how to act.

What a horrible awful thing to deal with for a boy his age. I feel the pain right in my heart for that memory.

The details of that day’s event are irrelevant as the outcome was always the same. I spent the day walking on eggshells, trying not to upset Jake’s dad but in the end, my attempts were useless. Something would happen, something was said and his manic rages started back up. If we were lucky, the anger lasted only a few hours. With a bad episode, it could drag on for days.

But this day was different. After three years of dating and another seven years of stupidly agreeing to this marriage, my moment had come. The fight started in the same way and continued down the usual path with hours of yelling, name-calling and ugly threats. I knew this was a night where someone would sleep in another room. This would be another one of those weekends where I counted the hours for Monday morning to come when he went back to work. I looked forward to those days when he left the house so Jake and I could have some peace.

And that night, it hit me. I mean, it literally hit me.

The fight escalated. I stared at him pacing around the kitchen, arms flailing, the words pouring out of his mouth to see just how far he could take my self-esteem down.

Then it happened. I felt like I was smacked with a 2 x 4 board. I was one of those cartoon characters who was hit so hard their body bounces across the screen. All you hear is the sound effect of  wah …wah… wah….

I felt numb to my surroundings. My body started to vibrate, so I leaned back against the kitchen counter to keep myself from falling over. My mind wandered as he continued his rant but I could no longer hear his words. I looked down to see the dishes in the sink and told myself I needed to put them in the dishwasher before I went to bed.

The smell of dinner lingered in the air. For his own self-indulgent reasons, he always cooked minced garlic with his meals. The stench drifted throughout the house and there was never enough air freshener to get rid of the smell. Garlic hung in the air that night like a fog hovering over our kitchen battleground.

When I looked back up, I saw a caged tiger in a zoo. His mouth moved but I couldn’t hear the words. All I heard was the noise of the vibration in my head … wah wah wah wah.

I can’t tell how long it took before I became aware of a voice again. I distinctly heard the question, “Is this my life?” A low sound responded. It was my own voice, and it answered, “No.”

I walked out of the kitchen that night with a newfound understanding of how a moment can change a person’s life.

Too many years I stayed

because I didn’t believe I could.

So there I stood.

Photo credit: Broken Hearts

6 thoughts on “There I stood: The final version

    • Glad you liked it! I didn’t get your notes from writing class but I did end up having an interesting talk with Becky about this. She said that you have stories of your own like this that you’ll share one day.

  1. Amazing Penny! This is my FAVORITE line: “I can’t tell how long it took before I became aware of a voice again. I distinctly heard the question, “Is this my life?” A low sound responded. It was my own voice, and it answered, “No.”

    • Thank you so much!

      I took your suggestions and made most of my changes due to your recommendations. I really appreciate you always coming on over here to share my journey. Your feedback means a lot to me 🙂

  2. Pingback: Random Dancing « My journey to live an authentic life

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