Living in My Own Reality Show

living in a reality show

Ever feel like you’re in a reality show? Like any minute Stacey and Clinton from What Not To Wear are going to jump out from around the corner. After you stop yourself from fainting, they say, “We’ve been secretly filming you for the past two weeks. And we’re going to watch the footage with all your family, friends and our millions of viewers. Want to watch?”

Um … no … I mean really guys, no. Don’t get me wrong … I’ll take your $5,000 credit card to go shopping but watch that footage of what I wore last week when I walked my dog? Sorry, it ain’t gonna happen.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about reality lately, specifically how the choices you make create your reality. This thought seemed to connect itself with the people I watch on reality shows. I admit it, I’m a closet reality TV watcher but not that over-the-top reality stuff like Housewives of some kind of county or Jersey Shore. I’m more of the Top Chef, What Not To Wear, Next Food Network Star and Project Runway kind of gal.

There’s something interesting to me to watch the journey of these ordinary people with their own unique skills go through this transformation to become a stronger, more confident person. Sometimes they win and sometimes they don’t, but all of them have been touched by this process and learned to grow from it.

As I move through my authentic life journey, many days I find myself struggling to keep back the tears. I know my male readers (and you all know who you are!) are just thinking to yourself this is just a woman thing, all women cry and chances are, its probably just that time of the month for me. I’m here to tell you THAT isn’t what it is. Trust me, I can tell when I’m full-blown in the PMS cycle and that’s not what I’m feeling.

I even asked my GYN about this the other day. “Where is this emotion coming from?” His answer was stress and that I should take up tennis. And then we laughed because for the past ten years of seeing this doc, his answer for everything is to start playing tennis. He says it has something to do with hitting that little yellow ball as hard as you can at another person. I suspect Venus Williams must be the most emotionally balanced woman in the world.

My outbursts of emotion reminded me of all the people on those reality shows you see crying in the promo for the upcoming episode. I use to think to myself, ‘did you just cry over some guy on The Batchelor you just met a week ago? Did you really think that you were in love and he was the one? ‘(Alright … I admit it, I watch The Batchelor! Let it go folks … I wonder what I’ll find if I check what’s in your DVR?)

It really started to hit home when I was watching the Season Finale of Project Runway. One of finalists kept repeating the line ‘Did I do everything I could have done? Did I do enough?’ I felt like that these last few months when I was working towards those two big events I did.

I’m sure the exposure is going to help me down the road to land bigger clients and find more work but right now, nothing. No calls, no emails, nothing. And I have to ask, did I do enough? Could I have done more?

I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be living in my own reality show. All of those people who I questioned ‘what’s up that crying?’ is now starting to make more sense to me. They’re not crying to bring drama or even a distraction into their lives. Those tears mean something. Whether that person is facing their fears, learning to believe in themselves or just clearing off the layers of their past emotional debris, those people on the reality shows are going through a transformation like I am. We all made an intentional decision to put ourselves out there, the good, the bad and sometimes the very ugly tears.

Photo credit: Girl Crying

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12 thoughts on “Living in My Own Reality Show

  1. Again I cannot post, so I’m using the “reply” as I did last time.  I understand the cry thing.  I do it too.  My son says I cry when a leaf falls off a tree.  I think you just need to get away from those realty shows and watch something entertaining, like a good comedy – I’d recommend the Big Bang Theory.  Comedy lifts your spirts and allows your mind to relax.  Just my opinion…

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    • I don’t know why it keeps doing that to you but your comments are showing up,

      And I DO totally watch comedies ALL the time. A good laugh always helps but I think these emotional breakdowns come with the territory of being a woman.

    • I think that’s cause you’re a guy … they’re from the show What Not to Wear. And they make everyone cry at the end!

      Yeah, some days I swear someone’s following me around with a camera because I can’t believe this stuff is really happening to me 🙂

      • It’s a great show – ask your wife, she probably knows what it is. They cry at the end because they go through this transformation. They think they’re just changing the way they dress (hence What Not to Wear name of the show) but in the end, they realize who they really are. They’re hiding their personalities for some reason and this whole process makes them take a look at themselves and figure out why they’ve been hiding under these horrible clothes. And you just feel so good for these people that they’ve re-discovered themselves.

        So there you go … that’s what/where I feel like I’m living in except there’s no one there going through this with me … except you guys!

      • If you ever get a chance to watch the show, give it a try. Once you get past the clothes and hair stuff, I think you’ll see what I’m talking about.
        AND your wife will be probably like watching it with you too 🙂

  2. I totally get the crying thing, the questioning thing and the self doubt thing…we are women. I recently realized it’s what we do. I find the best remedy is getting together with some other women and laughing about all the crazy.

    • Aw damnit …. guess I can’t get out of that one. And yes, laughter works to get me out of the crying breakdowns. I love those moments where you’re laughing so hard that no sound comes out of your mouth 🙂

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