Pure Unadulterated Mommy Rant

I’ve been completely buried in work this week because of the speaking events I told you about in my post about the Relay Race. Since I have so many new readers, today’s post is something I posted earlier this year that you all may have missed.

I was reminded of this post after I spent an hour on the phone talking to a mom of one of Jake’s school friends. We were comparing this school year from the last one. I was VERY pleased to say this year is starting out much better then where were last school year. But then again, its only been a few months. Jake may fall back into these bad habits and I’ll be having another Pure Unadulterated Mommy Rant …

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I’m having a mommy rant  … care to join me?

Ever have one of those mommy days when your kid takes an hour for breakfast and he still doesn’t finish? Then you realize that he was just playing baseball using his oatmeal spoon and his waffles. And then you rush him into his school clothes, teeth brushed, shoes on and into the car.

“Get your stuff together Jake!” I screamed. Of course he finds a way to grab his football, his baseball cards and his Pokeman cards in the car ride to school but somehow forgot to bring his lunchbox and school binder. I only noticed he forgot all his school stuff when I was five minutes down the road from school.

And yes, I had to turn around, drive back home, get his stuff and then drive all the way back to school. It wasn’t a very stellar morning considering I had to be at a meeting that morning and now I was extremely late.

The minute he got out the car, the words flowed out of my mouth. I’m going to quote one of my favorite holiday movies, A Christmas Story, to finish this part of my rant:

“I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed.”

I was having a full-force mommy rant. And it wasn’t just that day. Jake has been getting into trouble for the past couple of months and its gotten so bad that now I’m getting phone calls from the school principal. SO I said the word, (cue A Christmas Story voiceover) “Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!

I actually had a meeting with Jake’s teacher, the school counselor and Jake’s dad this week. I got to sit in one of those small kid size chairs and listen to Jake’s teacher tell me about the bad behavior my son does in school. Most of it I had to admit was just ‘boys will be boys’ crap but I couldn’t argue with the teacher. She was trying to control eighteen 8 year-old kids so when one acts up all the time, it makes her life harder. I get that.

After we reviewed his work, particularly a writing assignment with every sentence ending in ‘and I pooped in my pants,” it wasn’t too hard to see that Jake was acting out and trying to be funny. It was obvious to me Jake was having some issues and that was his way to deal with them. I get that point too.

Finally my ex-husband/Jake’s dad decides to speak his opinion on the matter. In all his infinite wisdom, he actually blames Jake’s behavior on the fact that he’s not in sports year-round and he watches SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, SpongeBob, my friends, is the real reason Jake is acting this way. Nice job Dr Phil … now if we can get everyone to stop watching Jersey Shore maybe we can solve the problems in the Middle East.

What an idiot …. no wonder I divorced your stupid ass ….

Jake has been doing the obligatory good behavior for the past few days except for the end of the day today when he farted so loud that the kids all laughed and he moved down a peg on the teacher’s behavior chart.

So much for balance these past few weeks  … I. AM. DONE. I need a freaking break from all this mommy stuff. I think I’ll move down to the Keys and live on a houseboat. Send me an email when Jake turns 18 and graduates high school.

Photo credit: Broke the Lens

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11 thoughts on “Pure Unadulterated Mommy Rant

  1. I think a good rant is good for the soul (and also one’s sanity). If at all possible, you should try to do it at a time that it will make absolutely no sense to your child (not when he’s expecting it). Hearing my children whisper to each other “I think Mom’s going off the deep end” always put a smile on my face. Rant away!

    • I’ve never done this in front of him as the words that come out of my mouth would make a sailor blush … hmmm …. a good thought for the next time if I can learn to clean up my language. Part of the fun of a good rant is getting to say the four-letter words really loud and as many times as I want.

  2. There is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned hissy fit, especially with a side of F-bombs.

    Wait until he gets bigger and tells you something because “I just wanted to see that face you make when you’re mad, it’s so funny” boys are a joy. I will admit I laughed out loud at Jake’s loud fart and him moving his own peg.

    • Yeah, I sounded like I had tourettes syndrome. The people in the cars around me probably thought I’d lost my mind.

      You’re not making me feel better with your ‘wait til he gets older and does this’ …. I can totally see him doing that to me!

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  4. Pingback: A Christmas Story « My journey to live an authentic life

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