This is the third post in the Tails of Poopie McPooperson series written by my dog Winston. Creative content was from my son Jake as he’s now a big fan of the stories about Poopie McPooperson. If you missed the first two episodes, click here to read The Tail of Poopie McPooperson and here for Poopie McPooperson’s Special Ops Mission. (And just to remind you, Poops has the voice of Ricky Gervais so this must be read in a cool British accent.)
‘Poopie McPooperson, meet Sergeant Nutt.” That’s what HeadQuarters said to me when I told them about what I found. I was doing my weekly neighborhood patrol with a few of my mates and we saw something in the pond. It looked quite a bit like something those evil cats had nicked and tossed in the water but once we got closer, we realized it was something more sinister.
Take a look — this is what we saw:
You see that? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing too. Good thing I’ve had quite a few special ops training sessions at the beach making me a pretty decent swimmer. I jumped in the water to investigate and what a shocker … it was Figglehorn’s secret lair. Guess with all the rain we’ve had lately, the thing was submerged underwater.
We know cats aren’t big fans of getting wet and when the water hit, the cat agents must have taken off. It looked like a giant habitrail. It was underwater so I couldn’t get a picture but it looked something like this, with tunnels and main rooms:
All of my secret agent training paid off. When I got inside, I found the plans for a full-blown attack on the whole city. And the plans weren’t from the cats but the squirrels. Crickey! How could I have missed that? All these years of walking past those furry creatures … they were secret agents working for Figglehorn and his evil cat army!
I rang HQ to let them know what I found. My contact at HQ responded back “Poopie, meet Sergeant Nutt, the leader of the squirrels.”
I learned that Sergeant Nutt was doing the groundwork to gather an army of squirrels for the coming war. I chatted with some of our allies on the block and uncovered that Sergeant Nutt was under the direction of General BushyTail. And the General had been secretly conspiring not just with the evil cats but directly with Figglehorn.
My orders came in to capture Sergeant Nutt and General BushyTail, if I could find him too. Over the next few days, our spies tried to track down the squirrels. We found the Sergeant in the park but he took off and scampered up into a tree when he saw us coming.
And when we cornered General BushTail, he escaped from our grasp by climbing up a neighbor’s screened-in porch.
We continued our search for days on end. On a morning walk, in the heat during lunchtime, while on our evening stroll and into the darkness before the last pee of the night. Every time we would get close, up a tree they went.
Nothing. We got nothing but these war plans and a few photos of these long-tailed furballs doing their squirrel stuff. Searching, searching and more searching …. until one day, there he was. My nemesis –the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered cat you ever set eyes on!
Your days are numbered – we’re coming for you Figglehorn and your army of squirrels!
Stay tuned for the next exciting adventure of Poopie McPooperson as the war begins and Poopie asks, ‘Hey Figglehorn, is that a chicken leg under that car or are you just happy to see me?”