Once upon a time in a land not too far from here, lived a fair maiden. She lived a happy and content life with lots of friends and a great job. One day while working at the maiden’s office, a King showed up and asked her out to a night at the local pub. The King and maiden began dating. Like most Kings, he made many promises to her about how she would one day be the Queen of his kingdom and how he would keep her safe from dragons, evil witches and all the other nasty things that go bump in the night.
The maiden believed his wonderful charming words and soon they were married. Everyone in the kingdom rejoiced to see the King had married such a kind, funny and intelligent maiden. The town had spent many years dealing with an awful evil pig who would come into their land, destroy everything in its path and then disappear into the night. No one knew how to stop the pig or find a way to get rid of it. All they could do was find a safe place to hide until the pig was done with its latest rampage. The people hoped the marriage to the maiden would bring peace into their kingdom.
Then came the day the King found ‘his queen’ a new castle. It was not quite the castle of her dreams but it was a place to start a family and a good landing place away from her single maiden shack (which was in the AWESOME historic district). Even though she missed her old place, she tried her best to make the new castle their home. But they couldn’t seem to escape the evil pig. It had discovered their new home and always seemed to show up to ruin what should have been happy events. It showed up at birthdays, vacations and even holidays when the Queen’s family would visit their new castle.
Eventually she gave birth to a beautiful healthy prince who brought sunshine back into the kingdom. His illuminating presence frightened the pig away for almost a full year. And once again, the kingdom rejoiced at the thought of finally having peace in their lives.
A month before the prince’s first birthday, the pig came back. Fearing for the safety of her child, the Queen tried to reason with the pig to keep its destructive behavior away from the castle. She took the pig to counseling sessions and when that didn’t work, she sent the pig to its own counselor. Some days it seemed the counseling was working but then the pig would get out of control again. After many months, the pig stopped getting better and only got worse.
After way too many years of trying to deal with the pig, taking care of the King, running a business and now trying to take care of the young toddler prince, the Queen had reached her limit. After one more exhausting night of the pig’s destructive behavior, the Queen asked herself, ‘is this my life?’ The answer was clear and it screamed back to her as NO. The next day she found a good lawyer in the kingdom and filed for divorce.
During the divorce process, she discovered the King really wasn’t the great King as he claimed to be. He was really just a Lord – the Lord of who-the-hell-knows-what. He had lied and pretended to be someone he wasn’t. She should have trusted her own instincts when the pig kept coming back.
She left the castle with everything a RAV4, mini-van and two friend’s trucks would carry. She became the Queen of her own castle. It wasn’t as big as the King’s but it was her own. It was a place where she and the prince could live a stress-free pigless life. Finally, the kingdom celebrated because the were able to live in peace. And the Queen and prince lived happily ever after.
The moral of the story: Don’t try to put lipstick on a pig to hide who it really is. It never makes it looks better and frankly, it just pisses off the pig.
Photo credit: Fairy Tale Door