He’s been asking questions lately …

Questions a young boy his age shouldn’t be asking. Questions that require a grownup answer a young boy wouldn’t understand. He wants to know about the divorce.

My son Jake will turn 9 in five months. He’s now lived more of his life with divorced parents then with parents who are together. Jake travels back and forth between our two homes every other week. He’s had enough experiences with his dad to see him in action. Jake has started to form his own conclusions and understanding about who his father really is. But he still continues to ask me questions.

We talk about the divorce as much as I can with an 8-year old boy. He’s made it clear to me he doesn’t want to see his folks get back together. I know him well enough by now to see his genuine sincerity about what he believes to be right for him. And right for us.

When I ask him about his early memories, he remembers this moving chair thing and our dog Woodrow coming up and sniffing him. That’s pretty amazing to me since he was really young when he played with this toy.

And that’s not all Jake remembered. He remembered the yelling. The yelling between me and his dad. The screaming, yelling and constant fighting that went on in our house before we decided to get a divorce. What a horrible awful thing to remember for a boy his age. I feel the pain right in my heart for that memory.

I remember the day Jake screamed at the two of us to stop yelling. He was too young to really say what he wanted but he knew the word STOP. And he knew how to yell it to get our attention. To this day it bothers me when I think how terrible it got that a 2 1/2 year old had to tell his parents how to act.

Jake doesn’t remember that day but I do. I still feel the sting of the guilt from that one. And now he’s been asking questions. Questions that a young boy his age shouldn’t have to be asking that require grownup answers that a young boy wouldn’t understand.

7 thoughts on “He’s been asking questions lately …

  1. Having been down this road myself, the best advice I can give you is to just answer the question he asks. Don’t give any background or opinion, unless he asks for it. Most times if you just answer the question, that’s the end of it… at least for now. If you don’t answer his questions, how can he trust you?

    • I do my best to answer his questions but unfortunately, he’s asking questions about grown-up stuff. He wouldn’t understand my answers so I find myself getting stuck with how to reply to all his questions. More then anything, it upsets me that he’s having to even think about this stuff at such a young age,

      • Then that’s what you have to tell him. When he gets a little older and is able to understand, you will be able to tell him. He’s telling YOU what he thinks, so thank God for small favors. You’re a good Mommy. Don’t feel guilty.

  2. I can only imagine the guilt you feel over the past, but it sounds like you are a very loving mother and once Jake is older, that is what he will remember most!

    • Thanks Ashley! I know we all do the best we can with what the world throws our way. I think its just another form of mom guilt that I have. And you’re right, Jake will probably remember the good things and these old memories will fade away the older he gets.

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