Are you a human being or just a human doing?

Once again I’ve found myself going through a period of reflection. It’s a combination of way too many things going on in my life and still struggling to find the ever elusive quest for balance.

The biggest thing I’ve discovered is the change in my way of looking at the world around me. I’ve commented to those close to me that I’ve felt the changes within. I feel myself moving back to my old self. And I don’t mean the old me before the birth of my son Jake. Or even before the messy divorce. It’s a me that I was even before I got married, I mean a WAY back me.

There are moments when I can actually stand back and take a good look at myself. When I add up all those years and all those things I was doing … well, honestly, it was just me doing and going and trying to fill in the holes of my life. It was that feeling that we got as kids when someone asked us ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ Whether our answer was what they wanted to hear or not, we felt compelled to push ourselves towards those answers. It was the me who was trying to become what everyone thought I should be.

I’ve spent the last 20-some-odd years being a human doing. I went to college, started a business, got married, had a baby, struggled in my marriage and then lived through a nasty divorce. With the exception of the divorce, you could look at that sentence and think this person has it all. She’s done it all. She’s a success. I mean, isn’t that the path we’re all suppose to follow to be accepted in our society?

I’ve realized I don’t want that anymore. My world of constantly doing has contributed to the imbalance in my life. I’ve been spending an awful lot of time and energy trying to control things, suppress things or just find a way to deal with it. I’ve been creating my own world of imbalance. That’s pretty damn scary to admit.

It had become more then a state of mind. It was a state of doing. I know now I don’t want that anymore. I want to live in a state of being. I want to be a human being. Living my life as the person I want to be and not who others think I should be.

We are being asked to appreciate ourselves for who and what we are – right now, without judgement or concern, without conditions or expectations. We are being asked to appreciate ourselves because, in our experience, we are the only one who really can.

– Micheal Brown, The Presence Process

Photo credit: Holding Hands

13 thoughts on “Are you a human being or just a human doing?

  1. Love it! Especially love “It was a state of doing.” I certainly can relate. Sometimes we get so caught up in the DOING that our health forces us to stop and BE. As you know, that’s where I am. Love your blog.

    • Got the inspiration from our reunion this week 🙂
      Good luck with your writing too. I think you have a story to tell and folks out there would love to hear more from you.

  2. Wonderful realization!!!! Bet you’re a lot happier now! We must get together soon~~let’s make time for friends & life!!

  3. I have been working hard to try and live a life that brings me peace of mind, joy and fulfillment. Those aren’t just buzzwords or expressions to me. I think it is important to sit down and think about who we are now and what we need now as opposed to what it used to be.

    • Hi Jack – I agree with you completely! Like you, not a big fan of those words as buzzwords but strive to make them a cornerstone in my outlook on life. Some days easier to do then others and on those days where I struggle, those seem to be the ones where I’m finding that life is trying to teach me a lesson. Now if I can just figure out all these lessons ….

  4. Very good Penney! This reminds me of our conversation about the “perfect day”. I found your answer interesting as it was centered on success and what your perception of that looked like. Most people that I ask to describe their perfect day focus on rest, relaxation, peace and contentment. They all too often describe restful settings in a destination that resonates within them, often with friends and family. After reading this post, it made me wonder for a moment if your answer was the human being or the human doing side of you. Thanks again for offering another moment of pause and reflection. I enjoyed it! ~ Christy

    • I think it was a combination of both 🙂

      Good chance that I had work on my mind because of what we were doing that day BUT I did describe a day I’ve dreamt about many times before. I’ve thought about that day – being in one of my favorite cities, being with my son and doing something that brings him joy and that vision of seeing myself living in my dream. I like to think that perfect day is me being in the moment and enjoying eveything I’ve always imagined I could be. (of course a day of relxation by the ocean doesn’t hurt either!)

  5. Pingback: National Take Your Watch Off Day « My journey to live an authentic life

  6. Pingback: I’m finally going to admit it … I have OCD « My journey to live an authentic life

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